Weekends like the last make all the sufferings that have passed throughout the years worth it! God CAN take a broken person, and completely change the world around them!
Working at Dickson Valley, I have various opportunities to serve the weekend groups that come through. One of those opportunities is hosting, where we become the group’s main contact all throughout their weekend, being ready at any time to provide them with whatever they need with what we have available, being flexible, hosting meals, and just spending time with the groups!
I had the blessed opportunity to host this weekend with my partner in justice, McIntire! We got to host four groups this last weekend! It was amazing, fun, tiring, yet serving the Lord is never without the fulfillment of His strength (Phil. 4:13)!
I especially enjoy hosting because I am an extrovert, I love being with people, I love people, talking with them, being open with them, spending time with them, and learning about them (however much they open up to me)! Most definitely, I am a lot to take in, as I am excited they made it safely, offering my services to help them, answer questions, ask if they need help, and just full of smiles! (I actually got called odd this weekend, but then they later found out I am fun as well!) I made a husband sing his favorite chorus for his wife’s gloves! (What a sweetheart, and great voice!) Made puns, obviously! When don’t I?! Especially when we have Tacos for dinner/supper, lettuce taco bout these cheesy puns! Don’t get salsa with me!
Sincerely, it was a grand time. I spend some personal time with the groups, lounged and talked to them about my life, how I got here, where they all come from, why they do what they do, drank coffee with them, worshipped with them, sang to them! Goodness man, I love being here! I’m more certain everyday that God wants me here. I already think about all the possible realities that come with the choice of staying here! I have this beautiful thing called “overthinking vividly”! I can see realities and be there, yet they don’t actually happen, or have happened.
Another thing I can’t get off my mind, is that I’m in some pain right now. Physically: I went to the Chiropractor today, and found out a lot about my body that I didn’t know before. My neck isn’t curved correctly, it’s actually more straight, causing some early “spondylosis” where the pressure of gravity, because of how straight my neck is, is causing two disks to push together, causing early degeneration! Crazy for a twenty year old! So, they’re going to teach me some better proper posture (say those three words five times fast!) techniques/exercises. Come in for another treatment for my lower back, because I have strained it via heavy lifting! (Because getting swole!) But really though, I just push myself hard at work, and while I work out. I mean, if I am not giving 100%, then why am I even trying?! I also need to get a heel lift for my right leg, because it’s way shorter than the other, causing some back pain as well. I’m excited and thankful for the blessing it was to visit them, to get a better understanding, what to be praying for, and for the proper techniques needed to heal my body, so then I can serve better!
Emotionally: On the emotional side of life, I’m lacking in people to talk with. Not that I want to unload all my problems to a person, but I just need some good physical-emotional affection, if that makes sense?! Touch is my love language, how I feel appreciated, on top of words, but they also affect me in a negative way when I’m upset and they do the exact opposite. (Goodness I’m weird!) I mean, I have great friends, a friend I ruined our great friendship, and so I’m suffering from that… thinking and overthinking that situation over and over again, about how it feels like a break up, how they can sleep at night, how I’m only a person when they need something then on the normal everyday things it seems like I don’t exist. (I guess I now know how the girl’s hearts I broke feel…) It’s all good, because I know it’s Satan able to get footholds that are starting to slab into a grand staircase, and it shows that I’m lacking in my reliance on the Lord.
Yes, I’m an unhealthy, dysfunctional human being, who is in need of Jesus. Jesus is continuously chasing after me, and at times, I don’t feel like He’s there. I need this physical-emotional affection. I want to hold and be held by my Abba physically, I desire this satisfaction and overwhelming fulfilling love and affection from Him!
Even in these dark times, I will serve Him still. I know He has a plan. No matter what lies Satan throws at me through my weak thoughts, no matter the distance I must travel through, not knowing where I am going, I know God is there providing, loving, nurturing, planning, loving. My flesh side needs to see and feel it, but the Spirit of God fulfills me even deeper, knowing that through the faith, my faith, His faith, that He is good, all the time, and is working things out for the BEST, because that is ALL God has and wants to give to me, to us! So I will choose joy, when I desperately want to just fall and cry, weep and pry away from His grasp, because I can physically touch other ailments, but they will never fulfill me the way Abba does! So I will choose to wait, to keep going through this awful pain, because He loves me so, and I want to love Him the same, in all things! I will sing praises to Him, because He has blessed me beyond what I deserve. I have much to learn, to grow from, but He’s guiding me through it all, and has brought me through my Exodus over and over again!